A confession...

When I started blogging (here and Butimnotcute.WordPress. com) I had this idea that I was going to cultivate an image and curate that image so I could be the kind of person people would like and admire and want to read about. 
That didn't last...
But the thing is, when I blog as my dumb, nerdy, antisocial, weird self, people still read it.
I never expected that.
Thank you.
I think you're awesome too.

Why I make things...

I am a maker. Not in the techy, noun-ish sort of way. I don't really fool with that stuff much, to be honest. But I make things.  All the time. Sometimes I don't even want or need the thing,  but I make it anyway because I need the act of making. I never really thought about it much before today. I just... made things.
I'm just beginning to recognize the significance now.
I make stuff because the world sucks and I can't fix it. Because life is unfair, ugly, and unpleasant. Because it's icky out there, and I can't deal with it sometimes. I create beauty from chaos.
Making things is a tiny patch of control I can have even when everything seems screwy. A way to even the playing field a little. The one way I get to be god, if only for a moment.
It feels good to make stuff.
As a kid,  I learned to sew because we couldn't buy the clothes I wanted.
I learned to knit because it looked fun, and learned to crochet because I needed it for projects I wanted to make.
I learned embroidery to be like Momoko in Kamikaze Girls. And then I discovered I liked it!
I paint, doodle, craft, sculpt, and anything else that gets me going.
I'm not always good at it,  but that doesn't matter.
I don't make things to be perfect.
I make things to have.
To become.
To undo.
To relax.
To escape.
This is why I can keep going.
Because I am a maker.

Please be a maker too.
The world needs makers.

A few things I'm afraid of...

I'm afraid I'll never feel pretty.
I'm afraid I'm not good enough.
I'm afraid by the time I learn not to hate myself it'll be too late to be happy.
I'm afraid I'm too old to be cute.
I'm afraid someone will tell me this.
I'm afraid that someone will be me.
I'm afraid people will think I am the way I am to impress people, or because I want to pretend to fit in with people uounger than me.
I'm afraid if I tell my age, you'll all stop reading.
I'm afraid I'll never belong anywhere.
I'm afraid I'm just talking to myself.
I just noticed how much afraid and a fraud sound alike.
I'm afraid I'll never know who I'm supposed to be, and that who I am now  isn't right. Afraid of being a fraud.

If you're still reading this, you are perfect and beautiful, and you probably needed to hear that.
Thanks for listening.

New post! Things I'm obsessed with part 1

http://wp.me/p3JKt7-k

My mint mani for Talia Joy

Talia was an inspiration to many, myself among them. She took everything life threw at her with a smile. I was very sad when I read that she had passed, but I am also happy that she isn't in any pain now. It was especially hard for me, because a young friend of mine has neuroblastoma, and isn't much older than Talia was. This girl also has that contagious smile and fabulous attitude, and she's my hero for going through what she does with such grace and sweetness. Seeing the posts about the end of Talia's life made me think about how someday I'll open my facebook, and my friend's cheerful yet snarky posts won't be there to cheer me up. How she's just starting high school, and yet I will probably outlive her. She has lived more in her life thus far than many people ever will, much like Talia did, but there are som many things that these girls won't get to experience. It breaks my heart.

What I would like most, is if anyone who reads this goes out and does something just because you can today. Jump in a puddle, drop a watermelon (that was on Talia's bucket list), hug a total stranger, dance in the middle of the grocery store. It doesn't matter what it is, as long as it reminds you that, at least for now, you are alive. I'd love to hear what you did, if you don't mind.

I posted a quick review of my new Zagg Shield screen protector...

http://butimnotcute.wordpress.com/2013/07/18/quick-review-zagg-shield-screen-protector-for-galaxy-s3/

Hello.

For those of you who came here from my wordpress blog, thanks!
For everyone else, hello and welcome!

On wordpress, I'll be sticking to the informative. Reviews, tutorials, and the like.
Over here is where I can talk about life, the universe, and everything without annoying the people who just want to read the other stuff.
The same rules apply here, so it's still a safe space, but I may want to talk about some tough subjects from time to time. I promise to post trigger warnings when necessary because I want everyone to be safe here. If I forget, or if you have a particular trigger (for example, I have a severe fear of throwing up. It really bothers me even reading about it.) PLEASE TELL ME! I'll never think it's stupid, so let me know and I'll fix it.

A little later this week I'll start introducing myself so we can get to know each other better.
For now, I just want you to know that you're beautiful and awesome, and I'm really happy you read this far. <3